Lessons Learned On Valentine's Day
“Me myself and I” is my favorite song by Beyoncé. I know you didn’t ask, but just in case it ever came up in a Cameil trivia game, now you know. From a young age, I’ve always related entirely too much to music that was way beyond my years. Hence why I knew the lyrics to Ludacris’ - “What’s your fantasy” by heart at age 8. I also can’t forget the way I sang “So Anxious” by Ginuwine either. Bro had hits back in the day. Needless to say, I’ve always had a love for music and aligned myself to artists that I felt spoke to me. It’s also the reason I go to more concerts than parties in a given year. Music is my therapy - and that’s exactly what I plan on using to get me through my first break up.
Yeah, you’ve read that right. For those of you who are new here, at the end of 2017 I wrote a narrative piece on Soul Swipe 101: How I Swiped in the Right Direction. I chronicled my love life, and ended with how I found my Prince Charming, or at least the guy who made the closest bid for the title but didn’t take the crown.
Prior to my former relationship, I thought Valentine’s Day had a hex on me. I was never the girl showered with gifts, praised with love and adoration, or the one who always secured a date for the annual saga of “Who can prove they’re in love the most – day”. Now, I kind of see it as an opportunity to either express your love for someone else, or if that beau doesn’t exist - show that damn love to yourself - KEEP THAT SAME ENERGY SIS!
I’ve somehow managed to end my relationship just days shy of the most lovey dovey day of the year. I’ve always had a knack for perfect timing, (I came on my moms expected due date). While some may be emotionally destroyed having had this fate, I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve spent two years dedicating my time, patience, and love to a man that I was fully committed to. While my heart refused to acknowledge it, my mind knew that this wasn’t a forever thing, and for that I had to let it go.
The thing to know about me is that I’m “loyal to a fault”. The proclaimed king of the jungle somehow can’t bear to leave something they’ve invested in, no matter how much effort it takes to stay. The best part of me wanted to have a successful relationship but I feared that I would do what many of us are guilty of: staying in relationships because of the companionship it brings. “Yasss let’s go on bae-cays”, “Let’s see that Broadway show”, “Let’s try that new restaurant”, “Netflix and chill please?!”. I can’t deny the joy having someone lay next to me brought, but I also remember that I was just fine before I had someone to put my cold feet on under the covers. I made a conscious decision to choose me, even if it meant breaking my own heart in the process.
Before I walked away, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be blessed to have a respectable Black Man in my life twice but my faith is stronger than that. I’ve always remained firm in that everyone we encounter is meant to teach us something, and if you haven’t learned, you’re living life in regression.
When my best friend eloped last year, I marveled at how sure she was that this was her life partner, her true match. Love always seemed to walk into her life, but could never figure out how to ring my doorbell. There she was saying yes indefinitely, while I’m here nestling in to the first person that ever said yes to making me his. Am I doing this relationship thing wrong? To be fair, she’s always had a leg up in this Black Girl Magic game, so comparing myself to her victories wouldn’t be fair right?
This is my first break up so I’m not sure that I’m doing it right, but on day one I had ice cream for breakfast. By day two I had ice cream for dinner – progress. I’ll be real about one thing, had I known I didn’t have another solid year in relationshipville, I wouldn’t have renewed my $486 European Wax Center package. Since it’s already covered, I treated myself to a quick Brazilian and went straight to the Nail Spa for a mani/pedi. I’m not really a mani/pedi girl unless my toes will be seen, but I needed the pampering.
I can’t lie, being single on Valentine’s Day is not easy, but it’s do-able. To start, I’m securing the bag. Although St. Valentine won’t bring me time and a half – I’d rather work a shift and collect some mula than sit on my couch wallowing that my valentine of two years will no longer tell me he loves me. I made a pledge on New Years that I was going to be better to myself in 2019. I have no plans of changing that now that we’re in February. Self-love is SO important. No one can tell you who you are when you know for yourself. Remember in kindergarten when you heard the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. I think we’ve all lived enough to know that isn’t true. Words matter. Especially the words we say to ourselves. I vow to speak love to myself and I ask that you do the same. As India Arie once said so eloquently “words that come out your mouth, you’re the first to hear – speak words of beauty, and you will be there”. I’m excited for the love that I’m going to shower myself with this year. All I ever wanted was a sign that I was good enough to be someone’s, someone special. Now, all I want is to love myself so much that such an insecurity never returns to my spirit again. Me, myself and I is always a good time. I just needed the reminder. Happy Valentine’s Day Yall! Tell yourself you love you today, you need it.
P.S. If you ever feel down & out about being single on Valentine’s Day – Solange has been there too fam.
Alexa play, Solange Knowles – Valentine’s Day <3